a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
