Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
