If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
