His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
