ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
