dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
