You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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