Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize