My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
