also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
