he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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