I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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