Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize
