Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
