What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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