i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
