i just google imaged poop.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
