I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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