I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
