I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
