my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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