i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
