I heard we made out
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
