did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
