I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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