I must be too annoying 4 u.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
