Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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