Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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