i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
