last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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