I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
