Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
