You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
