Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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