What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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