it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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