so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
