I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
