hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
