I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
