oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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