"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
