You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
