When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize