i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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