I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
