So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
