Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
