After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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