i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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