Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
