...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
