hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
