The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
