i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
