I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Randomize
