you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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