did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
