Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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