i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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