Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
