if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize