I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The Olympian is in my bed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
