have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This house was built for laser tag.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
