I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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