dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
