just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
