I forgot how hot balto sounded
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
