too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
