So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
